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Posts Tagged ‘Vulture’

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I thought of blogging this Vulture piece on JONAS‘ Saturday ratings earlier, and interestingly enough, its plot has since thickened in an enlightening, and somewhat funnier still, way.

I’ve usually enjoyed the Vulture blog and their pieces on the Boys (one of which inspired our first official blog post). They have seemed to me to skewer their hyperbolic media portrayal as much as the Jonases themselves (meta-licious!).  It’s pretty tongue in cheek overall.

So today, I chuckled a bit when I opened their post entitled “The Jonas Brothers’ Failing Streak Continues“, which was citing the Hollywood Reporter article “Disney’s ‘Jonas’ doesn’t quite pop“.  I chuckled because Vulture’s writing is like Opposite Day, and the way I read it, they were basically mocking the ridiculous standards against which an astonishingly successful band like the Jonas Brothers can be held in order to generate an intriguing media angle – “disappointment”, “impending doom”!!

But with lines like

“…along with their last album’s embarrassing failure to cure diabetes, comes news that the Jonas Brothers’ new Disney Channel show, JONAS, debuted to unspectacular ratings on Saturday night. The show was watched by a mere 3.2 million viewers between the ages of 6 and 14, which is the approximate number of fans standing outside of Zac Efron’s house on an average weekday. Are the Jonas Brothers over?”

…was this piece really something to be taken so seriously? SILLY, I thought.

Well…Disney did not agree, exactly. They wrote to them to clarify some points and the Vulture updated by printing their letter.

My first reaction upon seeing this was not unlike a tween whose parent has just revealed some aspect of their babyhood to the superhawt college-aged cashier in the grocery checkout line: OMGEMBARRASSING, it’s just a JOKE, geez.

But then I read the letter and truly appreciated the facts therein.  Read what the Senior Vice President of Media Relations at Disney Channel, Patti McTeague, has to say, should anyone (looking at you, Perez) talk smack about the supposedly tragic UnHannahMontanaNess of the Boys’ numbers.

Crunch ’em with Patti, after the jump…

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Wow.

How things have changed. Just when I think there can’t be a greater deluge of coverage for the Guys, down it pours. This Camp Rock premiere week has been something else!!! Don’t underestimate the power of the junket.

So…between monitoring/purchasing their music releases on iTunes, reading the daily blogs on MySpace, watching new videos on YouTube and reading all these articles (plus a draining week at work, for me) – not to mention the anticipation for the movie and premiere of the official Burning Up video on the Disney Channel – there has been precious little time to process it all. Breathe.

Now listen to reason, from the grand old New York Magazine’s Vulture, which always speaks the hilarious truth:

On Friday, they’ll rally their armies with their latest propaganda film, Camp Rock, premiering on the Disney Channel at the revolution-friendly time of 8 p.m. Next, they’ll launch a 46-date summer tour of North America (footage of which will be shot for their forthcoming 3-D concert movie), release their third album A Little Bit Longer on August 12, and then begin shooting their own television show, J.O.N.A.S., a “comedy-adventure spy series” (while stealing nuclear secrets under the guise of being actors on a scripted TV program, presumably). At this point, any resistance is inadvisable, as their absolute victory, and subsequent enslavement of all humanity, is now certainly inevitable. But will it be enough for the Jonases? “I think we live our lives the best we can,” Kevin Jonas tells the Times, ominously. “We’ve grown up with the idea that even when you’re at the top, act like you’re at the bottom.” They will crush you. – “You Are Now Entering the Season of the Jonas”

Better? I thought so. Now, here are a few of the choiciest nuggets distilled and aggregated from the best and most interesting of the press…(after the jump!)

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The Vulture has been sucked in. Idolator and Gawker writers might as well admit it too. Perez goes so overboard that people doubt his authenticity.

But now Michael Buckley, of BuckHollywood.com and (6th all time most subscribed!) YouTube celebrigossip show What the Buck has stepped forward and officially come out. Not that way (old news), but as a true Jonas Brothers fan!*

Buck is a comedian and pretty much does celebrity news as you might expect, regularly tearing into whichever trainwreck wanders drunkenly into view on a given day, but adds his special flamboyant and incredibly hyper style.

He has been mentioning the Boys since Joe took his tumble at the American Music Awards last October, and quickly felt the heated backlash of Jonas fan-love. It obviously made an impact. And then some.

Inspired by the suprisingly awesome JB-devoted People special edition magazine, he’s finally let that fire consume him and has testified in a new vlog.

This marks a brave transition from Jonas-loving apologist to advocate (when you are a real fan outside “The Demographic“, you come to realize it is the only right thing to do). The brilliant climax of his typically frenetic rant goes a little something like this:

I like POP culture, I like SHINY clothes, I like music that makes you SMILE and people who are NOT skanks. These boy are NOT skanks, we should ALL enjoy them for the quality pop music they are, their moral integrity, and they are NOT apologizing for wanting to be well groomed!

After the jump, watch Buck’s video (and go subscribe to his very funny show over on YouTube)…

* That is, the kind of fan who complains when people compare the Boys to Hanson or underestimate the frenzy around them. Some day (soon) only insane people will NOT behave in this way.

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Since we posted the other clever posts Vulture did about the Boys this week we thought we may as well add this one too. The “Boys” take over the week in review post as a means to take a break from their “plotting.” The best quote by far is the following by…

Frankie Jonas, 7
“I only care about modern and contemporary visual art, so needless to say the posts that interested me were few and far between. The naked Picasso was puerile, and the claptrap about my good friend Takashi Murakami was embarrassingly amateurish. À bientôt.”

[Via: New York Magazine: Vulture Blog]

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If the Jonas Brothers are, as we suspect, about to take over the entire world, it would behoove you to meet your tyrannous overlords before you’re forced to kneel at their bejeweled feet.

[Via: New York Magazine: Vulture Blog]

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What can I do to stop the Jonas Brothers?

Probably nothing.

They sing with the voice of a thousand angels and rain fiery horror down upon whatever city displeases them.

[Via: New York Magazine: Vulture Blog; Jonas Brothers Official (Flickr)]

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